Most viewed jokes

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts:

- Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!

The panda yells back at the bartender:

- Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!

The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

- A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
→ No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
→ Still no eye deer.

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition?
→ She was beaten by the microphone stand.

How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one?
→ By her suntan!

A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old farm house. Of course they're curious so they drop a small stone into the well, but they never hear it hit bottom. They search and find a larger rock and drop it into the well but once again hear nothing. They decide they need something larger and search the farm yard for a larger object. After much struggle, they manage to drag a large railroad tie to the edge of the well and drop it over the edge.

After several seconds, a goat tears across the yard and without any hesitation, dives head first into the open hole. The two tourists stand in amazement. About then a farmer appears and tells them he is looking for a lost goat. The tourists tell the farmer about the goat diving into the well.

- That couldn't be my goat - the farmer replies:

- My goat was grazing in the field roped to a railroad tie!

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
→ Quattro sinko.

A bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks:

- What's that on your head?

The frog says:

- I don't know, it started out as a wart on my bum!