Yo mama's so fat, when she went to school, she sat next to everybody!
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she REALLY sits around the house.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a "Malcom X" shirt, helicopters land on her!
What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
→ Rhesus Pieces.
There are four guys in the park who get arrested for blowing bubbles. In the court room one guy comes in, the judge says:
- who are you and what are you charged with??
- I'm duck and i got charged for blowing bubbles in the park.
2nd one comes in:
- who are you and what are you charged with?
- I'm duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park.
3rd one comes in:
- Who are you and what were you charged with?
- I'm duck duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park.
4th one comes in judge says:
- let me guess, your duck duck duck duck, and charged for blowing bubbles in the park?
- NO, - he says...
- I'm bubbles!!.
Leroy is given a homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences.
Here's what he handed in:
HONOR ROLL - We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
PLANET - I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard.
DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said:
- DISMAY hurt a little.
OMELETTE - Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go after a week.
STAIRWAY - When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY into space.
MOBILE - I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my man said:
- Gimme one MOBILE.
DEFENSE - I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE and got away.
AFRO - I got so mad at my girly, AFRO a lamp at her.
AFTERMATH - I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH I go to the field and smoke weed.
LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
DOMINEERING - My girly's birthday was yesterday, I got her a DOMINEERING.
KENYA - I needed change fo the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA spare some change.
DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.
DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach said:
- DATA boy!
COPULATE - I called 911 and an hour later when they show up, I said:
- COPULATE!
FASCINATE - My girly's boobs are so big. Her shirt has ten buttons, she can only FASCINATE!
BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office:
- Is this BEWARE I get a job?
COATROOM - The judge said:
- One more outburst like that, and you'll be thrown out the COATROOM.
DECIDE - I like Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to have a couple of babes on DECIDE.
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says:
- Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.
- No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says:
- Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish.
The photographer went first:
- I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries. The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The journalist went next:
- I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries. The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn:
- And what would your wish be? - asked the genie.
- I want them both back after lunch - replied the editor - the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital?
→ Albunny, New York!
Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea:
- My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!
Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question:
- Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?.
Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds:
- Um, not according to dad.!
