Most viewed jokes

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:

- Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is.

- Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her.

- You were perfectly right.

- You want to speak with her? All right.

He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room:

- Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ Three. One to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick, as I beat my wife!

Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

How do you know if your little brother is turning into a fridge?
→ See if a little light come on whenever he opens his mouth!

Illiterate? No problem!

Write for free advice.

Ever hear about the blonde coyote who got a leg stuck in a trap - she chewed off three legs and was still stuck!

If Thinking Machines made toasters...

You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

- Get this. - said the bloke to his mates.

- Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.

- Did he get anything? - his mates asked.

- Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
→ Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked:

- Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?

- My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one - said Bob.

- Good Lord - said David.

- you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here.