Most viewed jokes

The curator of an art gallery asked an artist for a painting depicting General Custer's last thoughts.

Two weeks later, the artist unveiled the painting, an enormous canvas with a lovely blue lake painted in its center, with a fish leaping from the water with a shining halo around its head. On the shores of the lake were the most detailed pictures of Indians fornicating.

After gaping at the painting for some time, the enraged curator demanded to know what the theme was supposed to be.

The artist said:

- You asked for a painting of Custer's last thoughts, - he explained.

- That's it. Custer was thinking, 'Holy mackerel, where did all those fucking Indians come from?'

Are you harboring a fugitive?
→ Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P.
→ Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man
→ Dum Gai

Small Horse
→ Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!!
→ No Bai Dam Thing!!

Did you go to the beach?
→ Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table
→ Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift
→ Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here
→ Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed?
→ Hao Long Wei Ting?

An unauthorized execution
→ Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet
→ Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone
→ No Pah King

You are not very bright
→ Yu So Dum

I got this for free
→ Ai No Pei

I am not guilty
→ Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer
→ Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled next week
→ Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived
→ Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight
→ Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile
→ Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive
→ Hu Man Go!

Pew! does this bathroom stink!
→ Hu Flung Dung?

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.

Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.

A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.

Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.

Before reaching the door, the bartender yells:

- Hey Pig...aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?

To which the pig replies:

- No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!

Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car for gas money.

What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost.
→ Fasten your sheet belt.

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

- Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!

- The cups man! Save the cups! - cries George.

- Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir.

Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?
→ He wanted to check his e-mail.

- Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

- Are you choking?

- No, I really did!

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said:

- Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs $50,000.

The client asked:

- What? How's that possible?

The doctor replied:

- You see, it's totally unused.

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.

The doctor says:

- You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening.

The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well:

- Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember - she says

- I am going to treat you like a king!

She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.

She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.

Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her:

- Honey? - he whispers.

She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.

Well, the man decides to tap her again:

- Honey? - he whispers.

She rolls over and yells:

- Oh sure!... You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!