Most viewed jokes

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing...

"I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.

- Ohhh, it's my girlfriend.

- Oh yeah? What's the problem?

"When I asked her if she could learn to love me," he said, "she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops right back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger--"How do you like that?"

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?
→ A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

How come there aren't B batteries?

If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

What if the Hokey Pokey IS what its all about?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation:

- Husband: Listen honey, why don't we have a few drinks, dinner, go to my apartment and really make love?

- Ex-: Over my dead body!

- Husband: You haven't changed a bit

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her.

It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

Yo mama so fat she uses the interstate as a slip and slide.

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
→ Well Hung.