Most viewed jokes

The Macarena Request

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked:

- Son, do you have a last request?

To which the man replied:

- Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?

- Certainly, - replied the warden.

He turned to the other man and asked:

- Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?

- Please, - said the condemned man, - kill me first.

Camping By The Highway

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott. They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for the night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice clear, wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing interesting around, only trees. They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area, right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to stay there because there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could help to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500 meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them. SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted to look at all the different liscence plates, as they drove by. Joe and Rich were so upset, because, obviously, that was the LAST place that they wanted to sleep in! But, they were too tired to argue, so they set up their tent in the middle of the highway and went to sleep. They slept soundly through the night, but were awaked a couple of times by the sound of cars beeping, and crashing. The next morning, they awoke early, and noticed a huge pileup of cars right off the highway, in the spot they had earlier chosen. Feeling proud, Scott said: "See, guys? Imagine what would of happened if we slept there last night!"

Twins Separated

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal' while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named 'Juan'. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds...:

- But they are twins and if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

The Special Parrot

A man walked into a pet store looking for a new pet for his wife.

So he asked the salesman for some assistance. The salesguy brought the man to a parrot in the back.

- Now this is the perfect pet for your wife, Chet is an very special animal - the salesman said.

- What makes him so special? - the man asked.

The salesman took a lighter from his pocket and held it under the Chet's right foot, and Chet started to sing "Jingle bells, jingle bells.." and then the salesman held the lighter under is left foot and Chet started to sing "Deck the halls..."

So the man asked:

- What happens if you hold the lighter between his feet?

- Well I don't know - answered the salesman.

So he holds the lighter between the parrot's legs and instantly Chet began to sing:

- Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...

If Men Had a Vagina

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:

  1. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.
  2. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.
  3. See if they could finally do the splits.
  4. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
  5. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
  6. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.
  7. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
  8. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
  9. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
  10. Finally find that damned G-spot.