Most viewed jokes

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says:

- Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry.

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says:

- Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry.

She immediately replies:

- The red-head in the middle.

- That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?

- I don't like her.

What is the difference between a blonde and Dennis Rodman?
→ There is no difference.

A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the apartment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am having a heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids"!!!

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.

Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife:

- That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver.

Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said:

- Sorry Sam, it's for after.

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

- No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes - he said to himself.

He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.

- Here - she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes.

- I found them in the hallway.

- Now - she said,

- if only I could find my gerbil.

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo Mama is so fat and old, when God said "Let there be light" he immediately said to her "Get your fat ass out of the way."

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.

Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42PM last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of his death.

An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....

Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game.

And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.

- Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?

- Bob: Darts?

- Bill: Nah.

- Bob: Shoot some pool?

- Bill: Nah.

- Bob: Cards?

- Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and fool around with my wife.

- Bob: Whadaya mean?

- Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around with my wife.

- Bob: What about me?

- Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all.

- Bob: Well... if you think it's okay...

- Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go!

At Bill's house

- Bill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
→ (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

How do you kill a blonde?
→ Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

How do blondes pierce their ears?
→ They put tacks in their shoulder pads.