Most viewed jokes

Yo Mamas so stupid she got lost in a telephone booth.

What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
→ Mouse code!

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.

He says:

- When did you start wearing them?

To which the other man replies:

- Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.

your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath.

When do cannibals cook you?
→ On Fried-days.

Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times.

One says to the other:

- Darling, do you remember the minuet?

The other replies:

- Sweetheart, I can't even remember the ones I screwed!

What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 30 centimeter dick?
→ Nothing.... They all make your eyes water.

12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
13. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
14. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
15. No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
16. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
17. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.
18. Want to race to the station, Sparky?
19. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
20. On the way to the station let's get a six pack.
21. You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Homo!
22. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
23. No, YOU assume the position.

A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spotwelding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he could sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in two hours with an answer." Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says: "The regiment has voted to replace."

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.

Jesus stepped in front of her and said:

- Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.

From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said:

- You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off.