Most viewed jokes

Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other.

At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled:

- Wow, unbelievable!

Which woke Ed.

- What's going on?

- I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife.

- How come?

- To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!

After a pause, Ed said:

- Do you want me to come with you?

- Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that? - said Ted.

- Because that's my dick you're holding, - said Ed.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
→ A stick.

What's green and tough?
→ A toad with a machine gun!

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said:

- But you just got a new pair last month!

- Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident - stammered the private.

- Accident, what kind of an accident?

The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries:

- Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?

- No, no, none of those... - said the private.

- Well then, what is it?

- I'd rather not tell you, sir...

- Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses - said the medical officer, ready to stand up.

- I've to see my patients now.

- No, no sir, wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl - blurted the private.

- Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?

- You see, she crossed her legs.....

Yo mama so ugly she got beat up by her imaginary friends

Yo mamma is so fat when a bus hit her she said who threw the pebble.

Why do black men not go square dancing?
→ Every time some one yells "hoe down", they turn to see if their sister got shot!

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
→ Hoppalong Cassidy!

Richard Kyle won his Arizona House seat in November more easily than he had won the Republican primary in September. He and his primary opponent, John Gaylord, had tied and had agreed to settle things with one hand of five-card stud dealt by the speaker of the Arizona House.

Kyle's pair of sevens put him into the general election.

How long does it take for a woman to orgasm?
→ Who cares?