Most viewed jokes

What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony?
→ The Brit Awarts!

Why are gorillas so noisy?
→ They were raised in a zoo!

Why are mosquitos religious?
→ They prey on you!

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy.

- I don't understand - he marveled - how you can listen to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over.

The older analyst said simply:

- Who listens?

The Answer: A Cockrobin.

The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?

yo mama is so fat, she can sit on a t3 cable and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
→ Spit, swallow and gargle.

A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

What's a toads favorite sweet?
→ Lollihops!

This guy goes into a doctors and says:

- Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!

- Well how often do you have it? - the doctor asks.

- Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day - he answers back.

- That's not so much - says the doctor.

- Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day - replies the man.

- Well that is probably a bit excessive - says the doctor.

- Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day - says the man.

- Well, that's definitely to much - says the doctor.

- You've got to learn to take yourself in hand. - I do - says the man.

- Twice a day.