Most viewed jokes

- President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House.

- Maid: Yes, Mr. President--I'll remove the mirrors right away.

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."

Yo mama's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.

What does a spider do when he gets angry?
→ He goes up the wall!

What do you call a prostitute with her hand down her skirt?
→ Self-employed

Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding...:

- I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.

His buddy replies:

- Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says "For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

THE DR. ASKS:

- IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

THE REDNECK SAYS:

- NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.