Most viewed jokes

What do insects learn at school?
→ Mothmatics!

A man goes to a doctor and says:

- Doctor, it's embarrassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Gee, what are you taking for it?

- Snuff.

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said:

- Please give me a prescription for the Pill.

- I don't think you need the Pill at your age.

- It relaxes me.

- But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing.

- I know - said Mrs. Ogden - but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed.

- Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?

- Little Johnny: I get up early.

it is 10:00 at the police station and there is only 2 officers working that day...

Billy-Bob and Billi-Jo.

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its 11:00 at the police station...

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

...now its midnight... and the power goes out...!!

- billy-bob: hey billi-jo...can i stick my finger in your belly-button?

- billi-jo: sure billy-bob! :>

- billi-jo: wait?! billy-bob thats not my belly-button.

- billy-bob: i know...:> and thats not my finger!! :>

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow shit and dives down toward her.

- Pardon me - he asks, turning on his best charm, ...but is this stool taken?

How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
→ By the wise look in the eyes.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

How do blondes get pregnant?
→ And you thought blondes were dumb.

What will she ask you?
→ "Is it mine?"

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
→ The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
→ To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
→ Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why do Blondes take the pill?
→ So they know what day of the week it is.

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
→ Because it kept falling out.

But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.

Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
→ Because her boyfriend was also blond!

If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
→ The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
→ Her IQ goes up!

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
→ A blonde parade.

Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
→ You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
→ Butter is difficult to spread.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
→ You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
→ There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.

What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
→ They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
→ Bigfoot has been spotted.

What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
→ It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy?
→ The blonde has the higher sperm count.

What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby?
→ Ask your parents.

What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
→ "Here Kitty, kitty, kitty"!