Most viewed jokes

yo mama so nasty... cows with mad cow disease run from her..

What do frogs drink?
→ Hot croako!

A truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give him a hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted on his dash and asks him what it's for.

He replies:

- Oh that's a conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots of pussy that way.

The other driver thinks that's a great idea so he paints a red spot on his dash too. Then he sees a girl hitchhiking so he picks her up. She notices the red spot on the dash and asks him what it's for.

He says:

- It's a conversation piece. You wanna fuck?

This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample. So the girl At the front desk says to him: "Thank you for coming."

What is It?
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Maddona does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?
→ A Last name

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

One day the teacher asks the class:

- Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?

And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said:

- whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars.

All of the kids called out their guesses.

One said:

- George Washington - because he was the father of our country.

- That's excellent - said the teacher.

Another said:

- Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves.

- That's also good - said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

One little girl said:

- Joan of Arc - because she saved France.

Another excellent choice said the teacher.

Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand.

So the teacher called on him:

- Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?

And Abraham said:

- Jesus Christ.

The teacher was shocked.

- Abraham - she said:

- I'm very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars.

And she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money.

At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus.

Abraham said:

- Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who ever lived, but... business is business!

Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
→ Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.

Here's a sick one...

So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a tear coming from his eye. She says:

- Hurts doesn't it, you son of a bitch!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
→ Thanks, I'll never part with it!