Most viewed jokes

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
→ An udder failure!

What is small, furry and smells like bacon?
→ A hamster!

- Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully - the divorce court judge said - and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.

- That's very fair, your honor - the husband said.

- And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.

What is a chameleon's motto?
→ A change is as good as a rest!

What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
→ A mouse-tache!

Do you know why it's called sex?
→ Because it's easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh...

Ahhhhhh....

AIIEEEEEEE!!!

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny:

- My dad's tougher than your dad!

- Oh yeah? - said Little Johnny.

- My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!

- Really?

- Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom:

- Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!

There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up.

While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says:

- God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both, and then kept on walking.

One bloke looks at the other:

- Who the fuck was that?

- Oh - said the other bloke.

- that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible.

The other bloke looked around and quickly says:

- Well he knows fuck all about shark fishing.

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal.

Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint:

- what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night - she asked?

All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled:

- Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole!

Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what's been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She's fantastic, she sucks like a real man!"