Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
→ A gorilla with a machine gun.

yo mama so fat, when she dive into the ocean, there is a tsunami warning out!!

Three guys are discussing women.

- I like to watch a woman's tits best - the first guy says.

The second says:

- I like to look at a woman's ass.

He asks the third guy:

- What about you?

- Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.

A minister was asked by a politician:

- Name something the government can do to help the church.

The minister replied:

- Quit making one dollar bills.

The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed:

- Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires.

- Sorry John. - she replied.

- I'm not ready to settle down yet. And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I might see my way clear to rent you some.

There were once 3 blondes on an island, but they couldn't find a way off. But while searching, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp. Dusting it off, the genie came out.

- I will grant you each a wish - he said.

- Why not - thought the blondes.

- It's worth a try.

- I want to be the world's best swimmer - one said, so can swim off of the island. She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

- I want to be a bird - one said, and flew away immediately.

The 3rd, and last one thought for a while:

- I want to be a man. Maybe that would help.

She was instantly transformed into a man, then walked across the bridge to the mainland, where she joined her two friends.

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man.

- What are you doing - he shouted.

To which his wife said to her lover:

- See, I told you he was stupid

The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"

A blonde began a job as a Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.

The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said:

- Would you like me to be your friend?

The boy hesitated, then said:

- Okay - looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked:

- Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing football over there?

- Because - the little boy said with great exasperation - I'm the bloody goalie.