Most viewed jokes

- Person: Are you a democrat or a republican?

- Blonde: Oh, I'm an American.

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection.

He was 71.

Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.

Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as the man who "never knew how much he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting most of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife -- they have two children and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 4:25 for about 20 minutes.

What do you call a frog spy?
→ A croak and dagger agent!

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it.

When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.

The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly:

- Do you sell Viagra here?

The pharmacist answers firmly:

- Yes, sir. We certainly do.

The man then asks:

- Do you think I could get it over the counter?

The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says:

- Perhaps, if you took five or six pills at once you might.

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?
→ The Captain's log.

Why did the lizard go on a diet?
→ It weighed too much for its scales!

A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"

A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour.

As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk.

The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to the farmer. Sam - he shouted:

- those animals are talking! If that sheep says anything about me, it's a damned lie!

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.

- Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news? - the lawyer asked.

- Give me the bad news first.

- Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.

- That's the bad news? - the man asked incredulously.

- I can't wait to hear the terrible news.

- It's of you and your mistress.