Most viewed jokes

Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
→ Because they can.

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man:

- I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!

The man replied:

- Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1

The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

What two things in the air will get a woman pregnant?
→ Her legs.

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station:

- Fill it up, will you?

The man says:

- Sorry - we're right out of petrol.

So the man considers, and says:

- Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?

And the attendant responds:

- Sorry, but no oil either.

The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant:

- Just what kind of petrol station is this?

The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man:

- To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front.

The man then says:

- Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres!

The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

When is a car like a frog?
→ When it's becing toad!

From "Machine Design" Magazine......

Byte Bat

All too often, computers aren't up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you a lot of time and effort. Hitting a computer or terminal with anything substantial can be satisfying, but expensive. That's where the Byte Bat comes in.

It is a foam rubber baseball bat, 17 in. long, that may give you a harmless but satisfying way in which to "strike back" at computers.

Specially designed to serve as a frustration shunt, the Byte Bat is compatible with all computers and operating systems, making it the first universally compatible foamware. Each Byte Bat comes with a complete user's manual, one genuine "Byte Bat User Button," one multi-color poster showing the device in use, and a warning decal that advises all who approach that "This computer-friendly liveware is protected by Byte Bat."

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.

After a few minutes he turns to her and says:

- Can I smell your pussy?

The woman looks at him in disgust and says:

- Certainly not!

- Hmmm - he replies.

- It must be your feet, then.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

Stu said:

- I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?

Leroy replied:

- I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?