Most viewed jokes

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says:

- we're playing poker - and the mother says:

- & I'm his partner.

He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says:

- We're playing poker - and the grandmother says:

- & I'm his partner.

He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says:

- I'm playing poker.

The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies:

- You don't need a partner if you have a good hand !

Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis' in a snow bank.

Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says:

- Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing... you're going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis' away.

The tallest altar boy turns around and yells:

- Sister Margaret, don't worry, we know what we're doing. Father Porter always likes a couple cold ones after work....

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising

Why is there only one Yogi Bear?
→ Because when they tried to make another one, they made a Boo-Boo.

Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

- Woman: Slow down, foreplay is an art.

- Man: Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks:

- Now, who is going to tell the wife?

They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.

- Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.

Rippington walks over to the Smith house and knocks on the door.

The wife answers and asks what he wants. Rippington says:

- Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.

She hollers:

- TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!

Rippington says:

- I'll tell him.

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

Whats worse than shit on Olivia Newton Johns face?
→ Cum on Eileen.

A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented:

- Boy, your ass is getting big. Almost as big as the gas grill here.

She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying:

- Yep, that thing is getting huge.

At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tape measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed:

- It IS as big as the gas grill!

Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away.

- C'mon, honey, - he said.

- what's wrong?

Her cold reply was:

- I'm not firing up this grill for just one little weiner!