Most viewed jokes

A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the doctor:

- Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ?

- Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in business?

- Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old but what does that have to do with anything?

- Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"

- Tom: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.

- Jim: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.

- Tom: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!

- Jim: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:

- Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted:

- Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

- Where are you? - the man asked.

- Who are you?

- I am your guardian angel - the voice answered.

- Oh yeah? - the man asked...

- And where were you when I got married?

Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
→ He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says:

- Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her:

- If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said:

- Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.

Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
→ They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
→ Lipstick.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
→ Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
→ Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ They chip their teeth.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.

Why do blondes wear panties?
→ They make good ankle warmers.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!

What do blondes do for foreplay?
→ Remove their underwear.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm sooo drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of the brunette?
→ "All the blondes have gone home!"

What's a brunette's mating call?
→ Has that blonde gone yet?

What's the mating call of the redhead?
→ "Next!"

Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
→ Because they can spell it.

What is 74 to a blonde?
→ 69 plus G.S.T.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
→ Toes go in first.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
→ Tits go in front.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
→ "Have another beer."

What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun?
→ A killer butterfly!

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said:

- Lady, I'll give you $10 for a blow job.

The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said:

- Thank you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!

Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said:

- Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in Texas!

Which of the following doesn't belong?

- (a) meat

- (b) eggs

- (c) wife

- (d) blow job

(D) A blowjob, because it's possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.