Most viewed jokes

- First - said the playboy - I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.

- Oh no you're not - said the girl.

- Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.

- Oh no you're not.

- Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.

- Oh no you're not.

- Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you.

- Oh no you're not.

- And I'm not going to wear a condom either! - said the guy.

- Oh yes you are! - said the girl.

And more on blondes...

But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.

A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.

Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice.

- Where are they - asked the driver.

- You mean to say that you don't know where the courthouse is? - asked the incredulous judge.

- The courthouse? Of course I know where that is. - replied the driver.

- But I thought you said you wanted to go to the 'halls of justice.'

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
→ Because men keep telling them that this |<---------------------->| is 12 inches.

A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says:

- Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything.

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said:

- CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES.

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank form and wrote:

- Woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof..woof...woof.

The clerk examined the paper and told the dog:

- There are only nine words here. You could send another 'woof' for the same price.

The dog replied:

- What, and ruin the punchline?!

Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.

One eagle says to the other:

- Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?

The other replies:

- Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!

How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"?
→ "Trust me."