Most viewed jokes

I went out with my girlfriend and asked her:

- Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?

- Because I'm a prostitute.

The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off.

She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes to Little Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father:

- Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now....now he's being carnal with a goat in the front yard!

Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling:

- Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!

The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!"

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
→ Take it for a drag.

How many cockroaches does it take to turn on a light?
→ No one knows...when the light comes on they all scatter!

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
→ A quadraplegic in a house fire.

Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly:

- Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do.

- One: Take out your penie-pipe.

- Two: Pull back the foreskin.

- Three: Pee.

- Four: Push back your foreskin.

- Five: Put your equipment back.

The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over:

- Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!

- Hell, whut's he doin' in there? - Joe said.

- I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' 'Two-four, two-four, two-four......'

Yo mama has so many chins, it looks like she's wearing a fat necklace !!

Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
→ In the croakroom!

This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says:

- Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!...

So he got his bowling ball and threw it in the outhouse!