Seconds in a Year
How many seconds are in a year?
→ There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...
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Guest
Three Kings
The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.
The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout:
- Viva Espania!
The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream:
- Vive la France!
Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims:
- God save the Queen!
Guest
What A Yankee Is
Do you know what a Yankee is?
→ Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself
The Wooden Eye
A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.
He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance:
- Would you like to dance with me? - he asked.
She replied:
- Would I! - and he sneered and told her:
- BIG NOSE!
Guest
Men and Women
Men are from earth.
Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
Guest
Snow Plow Rescue
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her:
- If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.
She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said:
- Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to K-Mart.
Guest
Run For The Border
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border !!
Guest
Room With No Doors
Imagine you're in a room with no windows and no doors, how do you get out?
→ Stop imagining!
Guest
Headstone Quarrel
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
Half-Gallon Of Ice Cream
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some.
- How hard is it? - she asks.
- About as hard as my dick. - he replies.
- Ok, then pour me some!