Most viewed jokes

There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "The Hooker With Three Breasts...". The man get's just a little interested and thinks:

- well... that could be a once in a lifetime experience.

So he goes in and walks up to the man behind the counter.

- I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts - he says.

- Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousand dollars - the pimp replies.

But, the man is too exited, pull's his wallet and pays him the money. So, he's taken up three stairs to a little room in the back of the house and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark but as he comes closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life.

The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking of the night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp another thousand dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that little dark room in the back of the house. And as the day before, she lies there waiting.

But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is wrong...

- Hey! You had three breasts yesterday... - he says after which she smiles and says:

- What did you expect honey... you can only suck out a boil like that once!

Three maintenance workers in Alexandria, Ind., fixed a massive street-flooding problem in October when they pulled a 200-pound hairball from a manhole. Said one of the men, "We thought we had a goat."

Boss, to four of his employees:

- I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go.

- Black Employee: I'm a protected minority.

- Female Employee: And I'm a woman.

- Oldest Employee: Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin.

To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:

- I think I might be gay...

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?

Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had? Yeah...

I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!

What do you get when you cross a matzo ball with LSD?
→ A trip to Israel.

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink.

The Irishman said:

- Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.

The Italian said:

- That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table.

The Russian said:

- That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid.

- That sounds to good to be true! - the Irishman exclaimed.

- Have you actually been there?

- No, - the Russian replied, but my wife goes there all the time.

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says 'Have you ever been kissed?' No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. After a while the Scotchman approaches her and says 'Have you ever been fondled?'. She says no and he fondles her, much to her delight. After another while the irishman approaches her and asks 'Have you ever been fucked?' She says no. 'Well you are fucked now because the tide's gone out.'

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.

- Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?

- They're mating, Lucy - he replied.

- What do you call the spider on top Daddy? - Lucy asked.

- Oh, that's a Daddy Longlegs.

Lucy asked:

- Oh, so one's a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?

Daddy replied:

- No, both of them are Daddy Longlegs.

Lucy thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.

- Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in our garden!!

What do you call three blondes on Santa's Lap??
→ Ho Ho Ho