The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.
- Paddy - he said.
- I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.
- Really, Father? - slurred Paddy.
- What have you done?
Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
- What happened to you feet? - his wife asked.
- I had a childhood disease called tolio.
- Don't you mean polio?
- No, tolio, it only affects the toes.
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
- What happened to your knees? - she asked.
- Well, I also had kneesles.
- Don't you mean measles?
- No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said:
- Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!
What's the object of a Jewish football game?
→ To get the quarter back!
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorilla's cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
- Are you hurt? - she asks.
She replies:
- Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!
Our Morning Prayer . . .
Our Hard Drive
Which art internal
Volume C by name;
Thy code be clean,
Thy fonts be seen
On screen as they are on paper.
Give us this day our documents,
And lead us not into fragmentation
But deliver us our data.
For thine is the SCSI,
And the EISA,
And the NuBus,
Forever and Ever, Amen.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says:
- Got stuck, huh?
The truck driver says:
- No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
→ In the pages of a romance novel.
What do you get when you cross a Jehova's Witness with a Hell's Angels motorcycle gang member????
→ Someone who comes to your door and tells you to fuck off!
A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter.
Most Honorable Sir,
You leave house,
He come to house.
He and she leave house,
I follow.
He and she go to hotel,
I climb tree to see.
He kiss she,
she kiss he.
He strip she,
she strip he.
I play with me,
I fall out of tree,
I not see.
No fee,
Chen Lee
