Most viewed jokes

Why do hens lay eggs?
→ If they dropped them, they'd break

How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?
→ Fill the gas tank!

What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off?
→ I'll get you next slime!

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.

He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.

Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno.

When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied:

- Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place.

- Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

- Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

- Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?
→ When you find a string in your bloody mary.

What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
→ They are four ways you can lose your house!

A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old times' sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks:

- Why are you doing that?

The old bull answers:

- I don't want him to think I'm one of these cows!

A 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the doctor again, the doctor said:

- You're really doing great, aren't you?

The man replied:

- Just doing what you said doctor, 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.'

The doctor said:

- I didn't say that!...

- I said you have got a heart murmur. Be careful!

What's the best thing about growing old?
→ You get to hide your own Easter eggs.

What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?
→ Chimney Cricket!