Most viewed jokes

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said:

- I've lost my dad!

The cop said:

- What's he like?

The little boy replied:

- Beer and women!

A man goes to his bank manager and says:

- I'd like to start a small business how do I go about it?

The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies:

- Buy a big one and wait

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

- Is that your husband? he inquired nervously.

- No, silly, she replied, snuggling up to him.

- Your boyfriend then? he asked.

- No, not at all, she said, nibbling away at his ear.

- Well, who is he then? demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, she answered:

- That's me before the surgery.

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

Names to Use in Prank Calls:

- Hugh G. Rection

- Jim Nassium

- Claire Voyence

- Buster Hyman

- Anita Moore (Roger's Mom)

- Dick Peede

- Mike Hunt

- Mai Dixie Wrecked

- Jon Doe's brother Dil

What does a lion call a antelope?
→ Fast food.

Less than half the cars you own run.

Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says:

- You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't give me any trouble.

The little boy, too startled to do anything stands there in shock. The Blonde then pulls out a note that reads:

I am a desperate Blonde hard up for money. I have kidnapped your kid and if you ever want to see him again you arrange for 5,000 dollars in non-sequencial, unmarked bills to be put next to this tree by 12:00 tonight, or else.

She hands the note to the kid and tells him to give it to his mother. The next day the Blonde finds the bag of money next to the tree. Inside the bag is a little note that reads:

Here is the money. How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

- Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? - demanded the Grand Emir.

- A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One - stammered the wretched Abdul.

- white man sit on well.

Should you have any questions during the exam,just raise your hand. This should cause enoughblood to flow to your brain to answer it yourself.