Most viewed jokes

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M+M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you:

- What is the number for 911

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
→ Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

What's tennis players favourite city?
→ Volley wood!

How does a physicist exercise?
→ By pumping ion!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
→ Because education pays off in the long run!

What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
→ Jog-raphy!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
→ Both do hat tricks!

Which football team loves ice-cream?
→ Aston Vanilla!

Why are blond jokes so short?
→ So men can remember them!

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled:

- Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled:

- Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled:

- Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed:

- Wah... so expensive!

There upon, the driver yelled back:

- Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

- Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them - instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated.

- But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear - she protested.

- Then - said the attorney.

- just whisper them to the judge.

- Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky?

- Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of the sweetest interns I've ever had.

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.

He says:

- Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.

The Doctor says:

- Why?!? Is she sexually active?

The guy says:

- Nah, she just lies there like her mother.

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

- Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine - said the nun, gently patting his hand.

- We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?

- No, I'm not - the man whispered hoarsely.

- Then can you pay in cash? - persisted the nun.

- I'm afraid I cannot, Sister.

- Well, do you have any close relatives? - the nun questioned sternly.

- Just my sister in New Mexico - he volunteered.

- But she's a humble spinster nun.

- Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God.

- Wonderful - said Mr. Smith.

- In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.

Why do you live like a NUN after you get married?
→ NUN in the morning, NUN in the afternoon, NUN in the evening, NUN what so ever!

What's the definition of a Jewish nyphomaniac?
→ One that screws when she's just had her hair done.