Most viewed jokes

How do you make a cat drink?

1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka
Mix then serve

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left.

- So how was it? - Elaine asked when they returned home.

- Great - Little Jordan replied.

- Did you and your father have a good time? - asked Elaine.

- Yeah, Daddy especially liked it - exclaimed Jordan, excitedly - especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.

It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.

The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.

Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

- Exactly where were you at the time of the accident? - inquired the officer.

- Mister - exclaimed the telephone lineman - I was at the top of the pole!

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

- So, what is it? - grumbled the governor.

- Judge Garber has just died - said the attorney, and I want to take his place.

The governor replied:

- Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker.

The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said:

- Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little fuck?

She looked down at him and promptly replied:

- Hello, you little fuck!

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit.

- Do you have anything to declare?

- No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all.

- How long do you plan to stay?

- Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks.

- By the way, where did you learn English?

- From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio.

Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?
→ Well God found plenty of guys who liked to deal with sheep, but he could'nt find three wise men or a virgin.

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?
→ An Italian mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill you.

→ A Jewish mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself.

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesmanwas unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision,"he announced, standing up to leave ... "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in themorning, let me know what you think."