Most viewed jokes

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother:

- How was I born?

- Well honey... - said the slightly prudish mother.

- the stork brought you to us.

- Oh - said the boy.

- and how did you and daddy get born?

- Oh, the stork brought us too.

- Well how were grandpa and grandma born? - the boy persisted.

- Well darling, the stork brought them too! - said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

- This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.

10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
11. "Show me how you used to spank her."
12. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
13. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
14. "I just got my license today."
15. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."
16. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
17. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
18. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"
19. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
→ Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Bellevue, WA
There's a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling.

Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone.

Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form.

The mother gave a Renton address.

The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District.

- No way, - said the mother.

- Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools.

What's a famous saying at a gay bar?
→ May I push in your stool.

What's the definition of a virgin?
→ An ugly third grader.

So you don't know Jack Schitt

He's the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt.

Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn. Jack Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spice number, Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. So now you know Jack Schitt.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.

Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister." "Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."

Life Insurance Agent: Don't let me frighten you into a decision. Sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think.