Most viewed jokes

Did you hear what Monica Lewinskys' mother said when she brought home her dress?
→ What, doesn't the White House have any club soda?

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
→ You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........

No?.

I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.

- Dad, can i ask you something?

- Sure! What about?

- You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that i should own one.

- And what is this 'one' you're referring to?

- Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?

- No.

- My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.

- Nope.

- It will be just proper at my age...

- I said no way...!

- But all of my friends wears.......!

- David! How many times shall i tell you that bras are for girls!?

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said:

- My father's dead, Miss.

- Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?

- He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!

What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!

What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
→ The milky baa kid!

What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!

Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
→ A woolly jumper!

Tokyo, Japan:
A bull bound for slaughter gave its handlers the slip Wednesday and escaped into Tokyo's teeming streets.

The 1,300-pound bull, shipped in from southern Japan, thundered down the gangplank as soon as it was lowered, bolted past port police and headed for the wide open spaces.

More than 20 policeman chased the animal for 40 minutes through nearly three miles of city traffic before managing to herd it into the parking lot of a posh hotel. Waiting patrol cars formed a makeshift corral to avert another escape.

Police then roped the bull's horns and tied it to a tree until the owner came to transport it.

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.

- Shut Up - replied Shut Up.

- Stupid - replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. - Excuse Me! - shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names:

- Shut Up!

- Stupid!

The police chief was very riled. He then asked:

- Are you looking for trouble?!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied:

- Why yes, how did you know?

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

- Hey, lady - yells Larry - Throw me the cat.

- No - she cries - It's too far.

- I play football, I can catch him.

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.

The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.