Most viewed jokes

In a recent scientific research project, it was proved that Beer contains the female hormone oestrogen.

That's why after a six pack you can't drive.

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
→ Straight through the rib cage.

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said:

- I'll be 16 tomorrow.

- I know - said the butcher with a smile - I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face.

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said:

- Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!

The tri stages of sex in marriage-

1. Tri-weekly
2. Try-weekly
3. Try-weakly

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
→ When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

What has four legs and eight arms?
→ A pit-bull terrier at a children's play area.

What's big and grey with horns?
→ An elephant marching band!

What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
→ An elephant disguised as a banana!

What's big, grey and flies straight up?
→ An elecopter!

What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
→ A get wellephant!

What's grey and never needs ironing?
→ A drip dry elephant!

What's big and grey and red?
→ A sunburnt elephant!

What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?
→ "Pack your trunk and clear out!"

How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
→ Take all the matches out first!

What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
→ An elephant holding its breath!

Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery.

However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly:

- Did I pay for the gum?

By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.

It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course).

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"