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God created the mule, and told him:

- you will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.

The mule answered:

- To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20.

And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him:

- you will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to him you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.

And the dog responded:

- Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please, no more than 10 years.

And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him:

- You are Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years.

And the monkey responded:

- Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.

And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him:

- You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.

And the man responded:

- Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.

And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.

Analysis:

1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.
2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).
3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.

Number theory:

1. First factorize, second multiply.
2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.

Algebra:

1. Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.
2. Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.

Topology:

1. Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.
2. Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.
3. The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.
4. The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.
5. The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.
6. For those who object to method 3 because it's cruel to animals. Put the elephant's BABY in the refrigerator.

Algebraic topology:
Replace the interior of the refrigerator by its universal cover, R^3.

Linear algebra:

1. Put just its basis and span it in the refrig.
2. Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator. By linearity, x% will fit for any x.

Affine geometry:
There is an affine transformation putting the elephant into the refrigerator.

Set theory:

1. It's very easy! Refrigerator = { elephant }
2. The elephant and the interior of the refrigerator both have cardinality c.

Geometry:
Declare the following:
Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator.

Complex analysis:
Put the refrig. at the origin and the elephant outside the unit circle. Then get the image under the inversion.

Numerical analysis:

1. Put just its trunk and refer the rest to the error term.
2. Work it out using the Pentium.

Statistics:

1. Bright statistician. Put its tail as a sample and say "Done."
2. Dull statistician. Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrig.
3. Our NEW study shows that you CAN'T put the elephant in the refrigerator.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1. Get away or I'll call the police!!!
2. I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off?
→ It was a vicious cycle.

- Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

- Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting:

- I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own croc!

To which the shopkeeper replied:

- by all means, just watch out for those two 'ole boys' who are doing the same!

So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water.

- They must be the 'ole boys' - he thought.

Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.

Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed:

- Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!

Why should we feel bad for the gay homeless population?
→ None of them have closets to come out of.

Why did congress enact the Marine Corps?
→ So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him:

- Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.

Steve says:

- Will that keep me from getting sick?

The doctor says:

- No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.

This male prostitute contracted leprosy.

He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.