Most viewed jokes

This male prostitute contracted leprosy.

He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
→ Both can smell it but can't eat it.

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?
→ Coincidence on 34th Street.

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

- Very well - said the gatekeeper of Heaven.

- But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.

- I know, and that's all right - Satan answered unperturbed.

- We've got all the umpires.

What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza?
→ A pizza can feed a family of four.

Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims:

- Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.

The second worker is Hispanic. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims:

- Oh, no, if I have to eat tacos for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.

The third worker is polish. When he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims:

- Oh, no, if I have to eat polish sausage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.

The next day the Italian looks in his lunch box, sees a bowl of spaghetti. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Then the Hispanic worker looks in his lunch box, sees 2 tacos. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death. Finally the polish worker looks in his lunch box, sees a polish sausage sandwich. He walks to the edge and jumps to his death.

At the funeral for the three workers the Italian workers wife is sobbing out of control and cries:

- Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed him a different lunch!

The Hispanics wife is also sobbing out of control and cries:

- Oh, its all my fault. If only I had packed my husband a different lunch!

The polish workers wife isn't crying at all so the other two wives confront her.

- Don't look at me - she exclaims.

- He packs his own lunch!

What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"
9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes
10. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.
11. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.
12. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.
13. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the stupid list
14. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."
15. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

My other wife is beautiful.

My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.

My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- PJ O'Rourke

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. -- Honore de Balzac

Nothing says loving like marrying your cousin! -- Al Bundy

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ We don't know - it's never happened.