Most viewed jokes

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
→ Your Honor.

After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said:

- You know what I really feel like honey ?

"Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
→ Nudity

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?
→ That's the proper place to wash vegetables.

The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified government documents. X-Files would have an episode about them.

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, followed by one of his star players.

- You can't keep him from playing! - the coach roared. - We won't win this weekend without him!

- I don't care - the dean said. - Things have gotten out of hand at this college.

- What do you mean, out of hand? - the coach demanded.

- I'll show you what I mean - the dean said. He turned to the basketball player and said:

- Tell me, how much is six times seven?

The player thought for several seconds. Then he said:

- Thirty-one?

The dean turned to the coach and said:

- I rest my case.

- Oh, come on now - the coach said. - Why are you making such a big deal of it? After all, he only missed it by one.

How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?
→ With a fishing pole!

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford to be screwed for?

The seven kinds of passionate women

1. The Optimist - "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
2. The Pessimist - "No! No! No!"
3. The Confused - "Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!"
4. The Asthmatic - written rendition of gasping
5. The Sprinter - "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!"
6. The Religious - "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
7. The Mathematician - "More! More! More! More!"