Most viewed jokes

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
6. You are always meeting new people.
7. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
8. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
9. Mysteries are always interesting.

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her:

- I've kidnapped you.

She then wrote a big note saying:

- I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said:

- How could you do this to a fellow blonde?

A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.

The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.

She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.

The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells:

- Oh! So you wanna race, huh?

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.

In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend.

The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say:

- Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again.

To which the local jock replied:

- Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again.

What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored?
→ They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
→ Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Commercial:

Do Seagulls Circle your house?

Does your boyfriend sing " The shrimp boats are coming"?

Do you make people vomit in the elevator?

Try FDS!

Feminnine hygene spray! two squirts will 'twinkle your twat'

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said:

- Sorry, no room. The hotel is full. The Jewish lady said:

- But your sign says that you have vacancies. The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly:

- You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town... Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said:

- I'll have you know I converted to your religion. The desk clerk said:

- Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

- He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem.

- Very good - replied the hotel clerk.

- Tell me more.

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

- He was born in a manger.

- That's right - said the hotel clerk.

- And why was he born in a manger?

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly:

- Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked:

- Does this fellow have any money ?

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."