Most viewed jokes

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said:

- Sorry, no room. The hotel is full. The Jewish lady said:

- But your sign says that you have vacancies. The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly:

- You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town... Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said:

- I'll have you know I converted to your religion. The desk clerk said:

- Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

- He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem.

- Very good - replied the hotel clerk.

- Tell me more.

Mrs. Rosenberg replied:

- He was born in a manger.

- That's right - said the hotel clerk.

- And why was he born in a manger?

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly:

- Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!

A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked:

- Does this fellow have any money ?

The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bites off my roosters feet, what do you have?
→ Two feet of my cock in your ass.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

- I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total - said the genie.

The Canadian said:

- I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.

With a blink of the genie's eye, POOF the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin laden was amazed, so he said:

- I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state.

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, POOF there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

George W. Bush said:

- I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall.

The Genie explains:

- Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable.

George W. Bush says:

- Fill it with water.

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?
→ Sleep in the wardrobe.

A woman feared that her husband was losing interest in her sexually. She went out and bought some very sexy lingerie, complete with crotchless panties. She posed herself in bed and awaited his arrival.

When he came into the bedroom, she threw the sheets back, spread her legs, and said:

- Welcome home honey. Do you want some of this?

With a horrified look on his face, the husband replied:

- Hell No! Look what it did to your underwear!

How do faggots get a condom off?
→ They fart.

An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, "These remind me of my husband's testicles." The American woman says, "That big?" The Iranian woman says, "No...that dirty."

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?
→ Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.