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A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.

- Wow, this is great - he thought.

It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

- Hey - he called.

- I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?

- Yes. Come and join us - they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.

- What else do you wild rabbits do? - he asked.

- Well - one of them said.

- You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.

This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again:

- What else do you do?

- You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.

- Is there anything else you guys do? - he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.

- There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there - he said, pointing to the far corner of the field.

- They're girls. We poke them. Go and try it.

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.

- That was fantastic - he panted.

- So are you going to live with us then? - one of them asked.

- I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised.

- Why? We thought you liked it here.

- I do - our friend replied.

- But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette.

OLD WANTS never die, they become needs
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind
OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged
OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed
OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip
OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over
WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, -- but their future is doubtful

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him:

- We're lost! Can you tell us where we are?

The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:

- You're in a balloon!

The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:

- That man must be a manager.

- Why?

- Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk:

- How in the world do you know I am a blonde?

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says:

- That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!

The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club.

- Hey, baby, would you help me 'raise my mast'?

- No thanks - she said sweetly.

- I heard about you from your ex and she included a 'small craft' warning.

What is the proper weight for an attorney?
→ About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!

- Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.

- Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says:

- I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself.

The accountant is perplexed.

- I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome - he tells St. Peter.

- It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young - says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies:

- 123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40.

St. Peter replies:

- But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!

What do you do if your bank account stops working?
→ Throw the guy out of the house.