Most viewed jokes

What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game?
→ Mean-opoly.

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?
→ Heredity.

What is the cow's holiday greeting?
→ Mooooory Christmas!

Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin?
→ So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war.

What do Clinton and JFK have in common?
→ They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
→ You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
→ "Rude"olph

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
→ Santa Claustrophobia!

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."