Most viewed jokes

What did the hat say to the necktie?
→ You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis?
→ Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.

Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice?
→ He keeps having to eat his words.

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
→ Forty feet of track - all straight!

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,

leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals?
→ They all make a living by lying to people.

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, 'Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.'

Bill wasn't impressed. 'Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father's the one who killed it!'

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. 'What's wrong?' asked his mother.

"Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed.

'In a way they do,' said his mother.

"And when they die do they turn back to dust?"

'Yes, they do.'

The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going!"

A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"

What's a moo hoo for a young calf?
→ A new moo!