Most viewed jokes

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?
→ By opening the car door.

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done."

He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in.
"Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!"

But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?"

And this is where we get the tradition of placing an angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
→ Santa Paws!

Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?
→ To give the ants a chance.

What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar?
→ Robbery with violets!

Where do milk shakes come from?
→ Nervous cows!

Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?
→ Because it hasn't got a prayer.

How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ None--He'll only promise "change."