Most viewed jokes

- Monster: Doctor, doctor, I'm a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.

- Doctor: Oh what a shame. I'm a dentist.

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.

'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Why?'
'I've put a file in your cake.'

A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!"

"Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl.

"No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
→ With his North Pole-aroid.

- Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper.

- Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick.
Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats.

The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

Why did the cat sleep under the car?
→ Because she wanted to wake up oily!

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?
→ Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning!

When the cat's away.....?
→ The house smells better!