Most viewed jokes

Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!'

Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'

Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?
→ Catch.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?
→ Carpet!

How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.
→ Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
→ "I love you with all my art!"

What is the definition of 'making love'?
→ Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Young lady to father:

- Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor?

- Dentist.

- Why father?

- We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.