Most viewed jokes

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
→ "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo"

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.
"I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full."
"Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs."
"Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!"
"Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir."
"Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."
The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."

As two boys were passing the rectory, the minister leaned over the wall and showed them a ball.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

"Did it do any damage?" asked one of the boys.

"No," replied the minister.

"Then it's mine!"

What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas?
→ Santa Claws!

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?
→ Because she'd never be able to learn the language

- Policeman: Are you going to a fire?

- Motorist: No, I'm trying to prevent one. That's what my boss said would happen if I were late again.

What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners?
→ Mercy!

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet?
→ I don't know, but it's e-nourmous.

Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!'
'OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.

How many chocolate bunnies can you put into an empty Easter basket?
→ One. After that the basket won't be empty.