Most viewed jokes

What do cat actors say on stage?
→ Tabby or not tabby!

What kind of a car does a crazy man drive?
→ A LOCOmotive.

- Monster: Stick 'em down.

- Ghost: Don't you mean, stick 'em up.

- Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business.

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting.' Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.

In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $40,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money, and stashes it in a safe place.

The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is late and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter.

The right-hand man says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?"

The deaf collector signs, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The interpreter tells the main man, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The main man pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is."

The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?"

The deaf collector signs, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park just east of the big fountain."

The interpreter's eyes light up, and he says to the thug, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.

As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"

And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head. He'd tried to hang himself with a rubber band.

What do you get if you cross a toilet with a pop singer?
→ Loo-Loo!

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
→ So they can think with an open mind.

Why don't women have men's brains?
→ Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
→ Because she was a plant eater!