Most viewed jokes

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon?
→ That's when dinosaurs are jumping out of palm trees.

What is the definition of Death?
→ When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
→ Rust in peace!

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown.

The geek passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek says I thought you said "TURN AROUND".

What is a moo hoo for a cow that fell into the thresher?
→ Ground round!

What do you call explosive cow vomit?
→ A cud missle!

What do cows usually fly around in?
→ Helicowpters and Bulloons.

How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.?
→ With a tire gauge.

- Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?

- Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

"You, your companies, and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"

The Englishman spoke first.

"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."

"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."

The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

"What is your last request?"

The American replied, "I want you to kill me right now so I don't have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!"