Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
→ It finally dawned on her.

There was a horrible mistake at the hospital. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change operation. The doctors gathered at his bed afterwards to tell him the bad news.

- Ohhhh no!!! - the patient wailed.

- I'll never be able to experience an erection again!

- Of course you'll still be able to experience erections - replied one surgeon.

- only it will have to be someone else's!

Nowadays there's little meaning
For a person to be gleaning
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name
He may be a chiropractor
Or a painless tooth extractor
He's entitled to the title just the same.

Or perhaps he is a preacher
Or a lecturer or teacher,
Or an expert who cures chickens of the pip;
He may keep a home for rummies,
Or massage fat people's tummies,
Or specialize in ailments of the hip.

Everybody is a "doctor,"
From the backwoods herb concocter
To the man who takes bunions from your toes;
From the frowning dietician
To the snappy electrician
Who shocks you loose from all the body's woes.

So there's very little meaning
For a sufferer to be gleaning
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name.
He may pound you, he may starve you,
He may cut your hair or carve you,
You have got to call him Doctor all the same!

A guy went to his doctor full of anger.

- Doc - he said - I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do.

The doctor thought for a moment.

- Look - he said - here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex.

- Wonderful, doc - said the grateful patient.

- I'll start with this right away.

He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face.

Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward.

- What happened? - asked the doctor.

- What happened to your wife?

- Don't worry, doc - the patient reassured him - two more days and she'll be dead.

- Marriage counselor: Maybe your problem is that you've been waking up grumpy every morning.

- Client: No, I always let him sleep.

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?
→ Because they've just had a big launch.

What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man?
→ A door to door salesman!

Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
→ He still lacked common and horse!

You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.

What did the blonde do when she got her period?
→ Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?