A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting.
He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them.
Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk:
- I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave.
At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note:
- Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you idiot.
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said:
- We have an opening for people like you.
- Oh, great - he said.
- What is it?
- It's called the door!
What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer?
→ I.C.!
- Teacher: Can't you retain anything in your head overnight?
- Pupil: Of course, I've had this cold in my head for two days!
- Teacher: What happened to your homework?
- Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
- Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
- Pupil: Not very much!
- Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?
- I did!
- Well, here's the elastic band.
Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?
→ Heck
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting:
- Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen over and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting:
- Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen...
What do you call a horse that's been all around the world?
→ A globe-trotter!
