Most viewed jokes

A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her:

- Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep...in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!

- Well, why don't you dump the bastard?!? - her friend said.

To which the wife replied:

- Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds.

Where do snowmen put their webpages?
→ On the winternet.

Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
→ A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head.

What did the snake say when another asked him the time?
→ Don't asp me!

- Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

- Pupil: There it is

- Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

- Pupil: Fred did!

- Teacher: Were you copying his sums?

- Pupil: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right!

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "How long have you been having this phantasy?"

A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said:

- Your wife's mind has completely gone!

To which the man replied:

- I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!