Most viewed jokes

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
→ They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet.

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
→ So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Dentist begging the patient:

- Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

- There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!

- I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?

- Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.

- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Really! What are you taking for it?

- (with a grin) Black pepper!

- Doctor, you've gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out.

- That's easy. Eat shit!

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone.

The vet asked:

- Is anything happening?

The doctor replied:

- Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third and the first two went really easily.

The vet said:

- okay

and the doctor went on the fishing trip.

When he returned, he called the vet.

- How did things go while I was gone?

- Pretty good.

- Did Mrs. Jones have her baby?

- Yes, it was a 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine.

- Did you have any trouble?

- Well, there was just one little problem.

- What was that?

- I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!

A man working at a lumberyard is pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the awaiting doctor takes a look and says:

- Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do.

- I haven't got the fingers.

The doctor says:

- What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?

- Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up!

A man speaks frantically into the phone:

- My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

- Is this her first child? - the doctor queries.

- No, you idiot! - the man shouts.

- This is her husband!

William Bennett recalls when one of his "radical students" at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for "as long as we feel good about each other."

It seemed rather temporary to Dr. Bennett, so for a wedding present, he says:

- I gave them paper plates.