Most viewed jokes

- Policeman: Why were you speeding?

- Motorist: I was trying to get away from the crime scene.

- Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car?

- Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?

- The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You're gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man. - Jay Leno

The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don't know. Those who know are no problem.

Those who don't know are also in two groups.

One is those who don't know and know they don't know. Well, they can learn!

But then, there are those who don't know, and don't know they don't know. And they become unit managers!

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day recently. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies nylon panties.

Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties.

- Oh those - Replied the President.

- I'm trying to quit. That's the patch.

After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference and announced that they had a very successful conference and had agreed on about 60% of what they discussed.

When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied:

- The Ten commandments.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
→ The more you bang it the looser it gets!

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said:

- I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.

- In that case - said the patient.

- I'll come back when you're sober!

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied:

- I'd like to have some birth control pills.

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said:

- Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?

The woman responded:

- They help me sleep better.

The doctor thought some more and continued:

- How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?

The woman said:

- I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!

The newlywed couple asked the hotel desk clerk for a room and told him they just got married that morning.

- Congratulations! - said the clerk looking at the bride.

- Would you like the bridal then?

- No thanks - said the woman.

- I'll just hold him by the ears until he gets the hang of it!